American Idol Kiss
by Yami Dragoness of Dark
Summary: After a battle for the remote results in a destroyed living room, Squalo and Colonnello must clean it or face Lal's pregnant wrath. Luckily, American Idol is on to keep them entertained. CRACK! Seriously, plain and simple crack


What's this! Yami has posted something! GASP!

Yami: Yeah I'm back. After a long break. I've got several chapters of Xiana's story ready to post and the Of Whips of Birds Reborn/Tsuna sequel is being a little whiny bitch, so don't expect that one to be posted anytime soon. Also, shameless plug, An Angel Flying with broken wings is writing an interesting story with Xiana's two kids and two of her own OCs. Give it a try, it's called Journey to the Past.

Now, this here is for the contest that Question-kun pratically forced me to join :P asshole. But it got me back into writing so here ya go. CRACK!

Title: American Idol Kiss

Summery: After a battle for the remote results in a destroyed living room, Squalo and Colonnello must clean it or face Lal's pregnant wrath. Luckily, American Idol is on to keep them entertained.

Warnings: Seriously, this is crack. Don't take it seriously, though I would get a sex change if I could be with Adam Lambert, he is sexy/cute/hot/adorable. And that's not including his amazing singing...what was I talking about again O_O... -goes back to listening to For You Entertainment-

Disclaimer: I don't own American Idol, or House, or Criminal Minds, or Reborn. In fact, I HATE the first...but it provided more for the crack, so there you go.

Rating: T

Words: OVER ONE THOOOOUSANNNND! XD

Crack pairing: Squalo/Colonnello.

Real pairings: XS CL

Beware: I suck at crack o_o and this is unbetaed

* * *

"Stop it both of you! You're making this place unlivable!" Squalo and Colonnello looked up from where they were both attempting to string Bel and Skull up with duck tape. Lal and Lussuria stood in the doorway, Lussuria with his hands on his hips, pink ruffled apron splattered with cake mix while Lal glared at the two, arms crossed over her chest, white apron splattered with the same.

"Oh…hi Lal," Colonnello laughed nervously, quickly dropping the duck tape. "We were just…um…kora?"

The woman snarled and a second later, the military master was laid out on the floor out cold with a spoon shaped bruise already forming on his temple. Squalo, who had years of experience dealing with Xanxus throwing things at him, ducked just in time to avoid another deadly blow by the failed Arcobaleno.

"Honestly! Can you idiots not act like immature children for one hour!" Lal advanced on Squalo with another spoon, and the swordsman suddenly wished he hadn't ducked. Being unconscious would be better than facing this scary woman. He would have to be very cautious, and word his next few sentences carefully to escape alive.

"Vooooi! Don't yell at me woman!" Well no one said Squalo had common sense. "They were fucking annoying us so we showed them who was boss!"

"Lal-nee!" Skull exclaimed as he was freed from his sticky prison by Lussuria. "They're horrible. We just wanted to watch the new episode of House but they came in and wanted to watch American Idol and…" he stopped at the look he received from the woman. More than likely it was the other way around, but right now, Lal didn't care if it was Skull and Bel or Squalo and Colonnello who wanted to see if Adam Lambert made it to the next round, she was just pissed that her living room, that she had spent _hours_ cleaning, was now a mess!

"I'm going to kill you all," she announced. The three awake scuttled backwards, terrified. A pregnant woman you do not mess with, even Bel knew this after making the mistake of annoying Kyoko when she was pregnant. He woke up a weak later in the hospital with no memory of how he had gotten so many broken bones, cuts, and bruises…or why the family jewels hurt so much.

Lussuria cleared his throat. "The pastries will burn."

Turning on her heels, Lal strolled out of the room but not before calling, "This room better be clean before I come back in or none of you will reproduce."

"But that's my baby!" Colonnello exclaimed, jolting up. He got the finger in response before the doors slammed shut. The four looked at each other.

"You two caused this," Skull said, pointing at Squalo and Colonnello. It was true, during the fight for the remote; it was the two older males that had thoroughly thrashed the younger two –and the room –in the ensuring struggle. "You're fault, you clean." And before either could open their mouths to argue, Bel and Skull had hightailed it out of there.

Squalo snarled, "Fucking brats." Getting to his feet, he picked up the chair nearest him and set it back on its four legs. Colonnello struggled to his own feet, a little woozy from the blow he had received. "She's got you whipped," he added as he watched the rain Arcobaleno picking up things even as he continued to sway.

"She's my wife, kora," the blonde grumbled. A dreamy look overcame his face, "and she's wonderful in bed. A little injury here and there, no complaints, kora." Squalo snorted. "What about you? You freak whenever Xanxus is pissed at you, kora."

"No," Squalo replied, "he's scared when I'm _really_ pissed." Colonnello gave him a disbelieving look. "I'm raising our fucking daughter, I hold power."

"You're still his bitch, kora."

"Fuck you."

They continued to clean, no more words spoken between them. On the TV, American Idol continued to play, singers singing, and the judges still complaining. It was one particular comment from Simon that had Squalo swearing. "Fucking asshole, can't see a good performance if it was shoved in his face."

"She went too high several times, kora," Colonnello commented.

"It added to the song."

"It hurt my ears. Any higher and the glass would have shattered, kora."

"Would not, Lambert goes higher," the shark pointed out as he put a lamp back on its table.

"His voice is naturally lower," Colonnello retorted. "He is allowed to go higher, kora."

"Defending him are we?"

"You're the fruit not me, kora." He put a picture of the Arcobaleno group back on the mantel, smiled as he looked at it, and turned to get that vase from the floor. He started when he found Squalo standing right behind him with a predatorily smirk on his face. "What are you…" warm lips pressed against his, silencing him.

Some part of his brain, the sex drive, yelled for him to kiss back. Squalo's lips were warm, and molded almost perfectly to his own. However, the rest of his brain had been pulled to a screeching halt and was trying _not_ to fry his logic center with what had to be the oddest thing to happen to him since he was transformed into a baby many years ago. In the end, he lost the battle.

Squalo smirked as he watched one of the strongest of the Arcobaleno fall over in a dead faint. Satisfied, he finished cleaning the living room and sat down the watch the end of American Idol. Colonnello woke up just as Lal and Lussuria entered the room with a bowl of cookies and brownies. "Who went home?"

"Matt Giraud," the silverette replied.

"Should have been," groaned Colonnello as he awoke once again in the middle of a conversation, "Allison Iraheta." He rubbed his head, "What hit me?"

"The floor," Squalo replied vaguely.

Before Colonnello could say anything else there was a shrieking chorus that could only be children with their sights on sweets. Nine children swarmed into the room, stole as many treats as they could before rushing out again. Lal looked down at the four remaining cookies and three brownies. "Snacks anyone?" she offered drily. Within seconds, only a brownie remained. She took it and lowered herself into a chair, watching as they interviewed the contestants. "Why do you watch this?" she asked around a bit of brownie.

"Because it's entertaining," was Squalo's response. A little body dropped into his lap. "And I need new bedtime songs, right?"

The little girl in his lap giggled and nodded excitedly. "Yep! Gotta keep you up with the times!" Reaching over the grabbed the remote. "That and I'm waiting for Adam Lambert to kiss one of the guys. Now time for Criminal Minds. This week has a massacre."

Over in the corner, Colonnello choked on the cookie he was eating as he remembered exactly what knocked him out. Squalo snickered.

* * *

Yami: My sisters, our friend, and I are being stalked by the autobots...

Squalo:...how does this have anything to do with the story?

Yami: I doesn't, but if I disappear and don't post/update anything for a long time, they'll know I was kidnapped by giant motherfucking robots.

Optimus Prime: Mechs. Or Cybertronians.

Yami: Hey, you're stalking me, no jumping into my story...-hugs-

Ratchet: Humans are odd creatures.

Dark: =_= you have nooooo idea.

Kenshin: Well, R&R everyone, this one shall see you next time.

Yami: TIL ALL ARE ONE!

Everyone: O_O"


End file.
